A few years ago I discovered a soda shop close to work that carried a variety of gourmet root beers. After trying three or four varieties I realized that for the most part each one had a unique flavor and I decided to keep a log of my thoughts for each one. This turned into a little game, which turned into a minor quest, which turned into a slight obsession with root beer. The only rule was that it had to come in a bottle, and I decided not to order any online, because that would be too easy. I ended up bringing root beer home from San Clemente, San Luis Obispo, Temecula, Idyllwild, and even Erie PA, and now, three years and fifty bottles later, I present my findings to you.
JACKSON HOLE'S BUCKIN' ROOT BEER: Very sweet, almost a spearmint flavor to it. Sweet like candy, fresh like scope. But not in a weird way, if that's possible.
SPARKY'S: Dark and smokey. Kind of earthy. Hint of mint. Mint and ginger. And cigars.
FAYGO: Very mild flavor, like root beer for beginners. Metallic overtones, reminiscent of blood.
IBC: Very sweet,a lot of licorice, a little cinnamon- a gentleman's root beer. High collars and twisty mustaches.
SIOUX CITY: Pretty standard flavor, maybe a hint of vanilla. Or is that vinegar? For some reason I feel like this one would be a good salad dressing...
GALE'S: Very, very fruity. Kind of sour, almost fermented. Like apple cider made by accident. Not the best flavor, but I give it good marks for not being boring.
BENNETT'S BIG BEAR: This root beer tastes like Styrofoam soaked in pond water.
ABITA: On the bold end of standard. Like, standard plus. Tastes warm for some reason, like if burnt umber was a flavor.
JACK BLACK'S DEAD RED ROOT BEER: Just really good root beer. Hint of black pepper hiding in the back there. Not at all as flashy as the label makes it out to be, but I'd rather it be disappointingly mild but good than frighteningly ruckus and disgusting.
D-N-A: Very, very sweet. If all root beer was supposed to have one dominant flavor, this one would be sugar. They say it's extra vanilla, but it didn't taste to vanilla-y to me, just sugary.
OLD TOWN: Also a very good, but very standard root beer. Advertised to have extra cinnamon but it just tasted like root beer to me. Good root beer, yes, but not the cinnamon-y madness that I would expect from something promoting extra cinnamon.
DOG N SUDS: In a word: Cinnamon. Not ironic until I read the last entry.
HANK'S: Tastes like A&W, looks like MGD.
BOYLAN: Says "sweetened with pure cane sugar" and it tastes like it. Tastes like rock candy.
VIRGIL'S: Puts the root in root beer. Strong flavor, but of what I can't tell. Ingredients say "sugar, herbs and spices." I believe it. I would say "Sugar, Licorice, Red, and Spicy. And Root"
BARREL BROTHERS CREAMY VANILLA: Lives up to it's name. Tastes like the float after you've eaten all the ice cream out. Not sure if it actually qualifies since it's flavored, but oh well.
AMERICANA: Dark? Probably. Woody? Possibly. Very good? Positively.
TRIPLE XXX: Blood. Straight up, carbonated, blood in a bottle. The bottles says "Tastes like root beer used to taste"... Apparently that was when they used to make it out of the hide of
Native Americans.
BULLDOG: Great taste, with a flavor I can't put my finger on. Brown sugar? Yeah. Maybe. Really good anyway.
BUCKIN': Very licorice, but very good.
FRITZ'S: Other than the mysterious flavor of Pepto Bismol, this one's very bland. Sorry, Fritz.
MASON'S: Tastes like nature. Leafy, dusty, but not in a bad way, if that's possible. "Mason's- It's what Big Foot would drink." ... Yeah, maybe not.
BEERGHOFF: Tastes like a really good root beer... after all the ice has melted into it. So close!
WAIALUA: Vanilla and... Curry. Not as bad as it sounds, but still not that good.
BRIAR'S: Pretty average. Tastes like something you pour on a snow cone.
FROSTIE: Standard, I'd say. The only odd flavor that creeps out is kind of a waxiness, like crayons or lipstick. It's subtle though. Like if you hated crayons, you would sense that this root beer was evil. But if you didn't hate crayons, you be like "Hey, there's nothing wrong with this root beer."
SPRECHER: Really good, especially for something called "Rood Beer Soda". There's a really nice hint of honey.
HENRY REINHARD'S: Really nice flavor, once you get through all the foam. Kind of a smokey, crayony aftertaste. Still haven't decided if that's bad.
IRON HORSE: Very sweet and sugary, with a really subtle bite at the end. Tastes just like one of those huge, twisty, lollipops. And the burps taste like bell pepper.
KUTZTOWN: Over all the word that comes to mind is clean. Fresh. Like pine. But the kind in the forest, not the kind you clean wood floors with.
ROOT BEER 101: Traditional, unassuming, and really sweet, but in a nonthreatening way. Comforting even. If root beer was a flashback to childhood, this one would be a soft crib on a warm summer night. And there are fireflies. And a friendly but firm St. Bernard who picks up after me.
ROOT 66 BEER: Good enough. Like the last root beer, this one is also named after a freeway. So to stick with the road of life analogy, this root beer is kind of like third grade. Do you remember third grade? I don't either. Get it?
AJ STEPHANS: Decent. There's a weird flavor that I can only describe as "Valentine's heart candy" and unfortunately for AJ Stephans, I don't like heart candy. Sorry, AJ.
DAD'S: I feel like this is what "classic" root beer tastes like. There's no real outstanding flavor, just sweet. And there's a creaminess to it that's really nice. Yeah, Dad. Yeah.
NATURAL BREW: There's a fruity, almost citrus taste to this one, but it hides behind a really nice, sweet, minty, woodsy kind of taste. The bottle describes it as being "complex" and I'm going to agree. In fact, I'll see its "complex" and raise it a "really good".
PEARSON BROS.: Is good. Sorry, that's all I got.
OLD TOWN ROOTBEER COMPANY: There's an immediate honeyness that's a really nice surprise. The official root beer of the Hundred Acre Wood.
CAPT'N ELI'S: I might say this had a "deep, rich flavour with molasses and licorice overtones", but I won't because it sounds snooty. And anyway, here in America it's spelled "flavor".
RAT BASTARD: The bottle claims it "tastes like a son of a bitch" but to me it just tastes like really good root beer.
BUNDABERG: Surprising ginger flavor with a sweet, almost lemony taste. Tastes more like ginger ale than root beer, actually. A+ for unique flavor, but kind of pushes the boundary of tasting like root beer so it almost feels like cheating.
SEA DOG: Another standard, but good tasting root beer. For some reason I feel like this one would go really well with steak. Or maybe I just want steak...
COOL MOUNTAIN: Flat and anise.
JONES: This one has a really nice sweet, spicy flavor. Like during Christmas time when you put cloves in an apple, but instead of an apple it's a giant one of those little cinnamon candy hearts.
OLDE RHODE ISLAND MOLASSES ROOT BEER: Fruity and dark. The molasses is more subtle than you'd think, and there's almost a cherry flavor to it. If an evil witch in the forest made a brew to lure children with, I think it would taste like this. Note to self- don't accept root beer from strangers in Rhode Island.
JOHN BARLEYCORN: Along with being totally flat, this one tasted like a Ritz cracker soaked in melted popsicle. That's two strikes, Mr. Barleycorn.
FILBERT'S: This one was almost too sweet. It tasted like one of those huge, spiral lollipops, melted down into a syrup and then added to water in a root beer flavored bottle. Like root beer flavored hummingbird food. Do hummingbirds like root beer? I smell an experiment...
RIVER CITY: This one started out with a nice minty zing, but the more I had, the more it tasted like I was drinking toothpaste, until by the end of the bottle I felt like I was going to die from fluoride overdose.
OLDE BROOKLYN: Necco Wafers.
EMPIRE: There's a nice bubbly bite to it, but hardly any flavor at all. Kind of like the Rice Crispies of root beer.
JUDGE WAPNER: There's a nice flavor, with a subtle hint of spearmint as well as something that I want to call fresh sawdust. I know how that sounds, but to me it's a good thing. Yeah. Definitely, definitely a good flavor. Yeah. Uh oh, underwear on the road!!!!
