125 Root Beers!!!

The short story: I like to drink different root beers and talk about what each one tastes like.  I've done it with one hundred different kinds... until now!!!!  Here's twenty five more!!!

(The long story, including the first one hundred root beers, is here... http://jacobcementina.blogspot.com/2013/01/one-hundred-root-beers.html )

 

101. CHICAGO: Open a decent root beer up in Photoshop then turn the opacity down to about 65%.

102.  PISMO BREWING COMPANY, LIL' BREWSTER ROOT BEER:  Thai Iced Tea!!!

103.  THREE DACHSHUNDS: Sugar.

104.  HOSMER MOUNTAIN:  Slightly tart, slightly creamy, slightly sugary.

105.  BIG BEN'S:  Bike inner-tube made of black licorice, inflated with cigar smoke.

106. OLD RED EYE:  Candy hearts, Doublemint gum, melted lime Slurpee.

107. GENE AUTREY:  Cinnamon and heavy cream.  Spicy and sweet.

108.  ANCHOR GINGER ROOT BEER:  The ginger is very subtle and comes

across as more of a tingly freshness than the spicy, blow your nose off effect that I was expecting from something labeled as a ginger drink (which is a good thing, I think.)  There's actually more of a molasses flavor with a hint of ginger to finish it off.  It's like a Molasses Trojan Horse, but when the Ginger Trojans jump out they don't kill you, they give you a kiss on the cheek and then skip away giggling.

109.  ROCKY MOUNTAIN:  The label says it's made with beet sugar which is exciting in theory but... it doesn't taste very good.  Kind of like wintergreen, bbq potato chips and glue stick.

110.  BROWNIE CARAMEL CREAM ROOT BEER:  Tastes like caramel, cream, and root beer.  While you shouldn't normally judge a book by it's cover, in this case you'd be totally justified.

111.  DOUGIE DOG BUTTERSCOTCH ROOT BEER:  I'm not a huge fan of butterscotch, but this was actually really good.  Just enough butterscotch flavor to sweeten it up and set it apart from a normal root beer, and a really good, lightly spiced root beer flavor underneath.

112.  BEGLEY'S AND BILL' S:  boysenberry, leather, and aspirin.

113.  HIPPO SIZE:  Dark and sweet, like spelunking in a cave of brown sugar.  With a molasses rope.  And the cave has mint bats but you're not scared of them because you're Mintbatman.

114.  CICERO BEVERAGE COMPANY SALTED CARAMEL: You may think this root beer would taste like salted caramel.  And you'd be right.  The end.  And on a side note, this Salted Everything trend has got to stop.  Who wants to drink salty root beer?  Gross.  No.

115.  OZARK MOUNTAIN BOTTLEWORKS:  Crest toothpaste and sugar.

116.  O-SO BUTTERSCOTCH:  Butterscotch- check.  Root beer- check.  Tequila- check?

117.  ST. JOHN BREWERS VIRGIN ISLANDS ROOT BEER:  More sweet than spicy, more watery than creamy, more average than above average.

118.  FEST PECAN ROOT BEER:  Tastes kind of like there was this random, leftover flavor in the flavor factory that tasted kindof like root beer and possibly a little bit like a pecan, maybe, and the flavor elves were like "What do we do with this one?"  And then the other flavor elf was like "I don't know, let's add it to sugar water and sell it."  So they did.  And I bought it.  Once.

119.  JOBY JOE'S:  If you told me this was peach flavored sparkling water, I would wish it tasted a little more like peach but I wouldn't question whether or not it was actually root beer and that you were really just a silly prankster person.

120.  ROCKY MOUNTAIN?  I noticed that this bottle didn't say that it had beet sugar so I thought I'd try it again.  It was just as bad as the first time.

121.  SPRECHER HONEY ROOT BEER:  As a small child, you watch Winnie the Pooh eating fist-fulls of honey, and you imagine that it's the most bliss-inducing snack that ever existed.  Then one day, as a bigger child, you somehow gain access to a large amount of honey, and you decide that the time has come to Winnie-The-Pooh that business.  And when you do, you are introduced a sweetness so sharp that it numbs your tongue and burns your throat and most of your esophagus.  You curse all bees and Walt Disney.  And you wonder how a thing that seemed so good in your imagination could be so, so bad in reality.  Then you remember that Tigger also ate a fist-full of honey, and he had a similar reaction- something to the tune of "BLEGHHH.  Tiggers do not like that icky, sticky stuff."  Sprecher Honey Root Beer is not that bad, but I have to admit, I felt more like Tigger than Pooh when I drank it.

122. NEW YORK SELTZER ROOT BEER:  I knew going into this that it would end up being a "root beer flavored thing", as opposed to a "root beer made by a thing", but I figured I'd do it anyway.  For the record, I was right.  Tastes like seltzer water with root beer flavoring in it.  Moving on!

123.  INDIAN WELLS SPECIAL RESERVE:  Do you like eating black licorice?  Do you like DRINKING black licorice?

124.  DAD-GUM-IT BUTTERSCOTCH ROOT BEER:  At the top of the waterslide you had a wide-mouthed cup full of generic cola.  And at the bottom of the waterslide, you ended up with this.

125.  O-ZELL ROOT BEER FLOAT:  You know when you're downtown and you walk past a bar, and even if you don't see that it's a bar, you smell it and you just know?  It's a specific stank created by layers and layers of yeast and vomit and bleach.  Okay, now, imagine that you walk past a bar that serves nothing but lemon drop martinis.  Got it?  Now bottle that smell and call it O-Zell Root Beer Float.

My son hiccups more than I do.

My son inherited my overactive diaphragm.  

Hopefully he doesn't end up with my lazy eye too. 

Attack of the Ceiling Boob!!! ...or... Congratulations on purchasing your first DEAL WITH THIS!!!!

Last week we were getting ready for bed and we discovered the ceiling had grown a boob.  This was concerning.  Turns out that somehow a clever clog in the bathroom drain had figured out how to defy physics and cause a flood in our attic.  How does this happen?  I'm still not quite sure.  But because of it I now know a lot more about about air conditioning condensation drip lines.  And knowing is half the battle.

The clog was actually a blessing in disguise because it not only lead to my extensive condensation drain knowledge, but also the discovery that the condensation drain wasn't only overflowing through the access hole, but it was also leaking out of a very large crack in the pipe.  So had the clog not caused the overflowage, it would have just dripped continuously all summer long, and we'd be swimming in mold by Thanksgiving.  Happy Hazmat Christmas!

Figure 1.  The Ceiling Boob

 

This is what happens when water soaks through fiberglass and drywall and stretches out layers of paint on your ceiling.  It turned out to be only about half full once I punctured it.

 Figure 2.  Portrait of a home owner

 This is me after spending about twenty minutes in the attic trying to figure out what exactly was going on up there.  No, I didn't wet my pants, that's sweat.

As of today, the AC is fixed, but now there's a giant whole in the ceiling that will need to be repaired before we feel comfortable using the baby's room as a baby's room.  Until then it will remain a mysterious extra door with a tarp under it.

One Hundred Root Beers!

Some people collect baseball cards.  Some people collect ex-girlfriends.  

I collect gourmet root beer.

I've mentioned this before here almost exactly a year ago, and I'm excited to announce that I have now tasted one hundred gourmet root beers and recorded my thoughts on each for the benefit of all mankind.

You're welcome.

So here are my findings on root beers 76 to 100.  Special thanks go out to Rocket Fizz in San Luis Obispo, which allowed me to knock off a baker's dozen in one trip, and my friend Ryan who flew all the way to a brewery Colorado JUST to get me my one-hundredth root beer (and no other reason, right Ryan?)

76.  CRATER LAKE: Fruity and Flat

77.  DOROTHY'S ISLE OF PINES:  I don't know if it's just the name playing with my taste buds, but this one actually tastes like pine.

 

78.  CAPONE FAMILY SECRET:  Pretty straightforward, root beer-tasting root beer.  Except for the sawdust.  Is that the secret?

 

79.  HOSMER MOUNTAIN SARSAPARILLA ROOT BEER:  Say cough syrup was a woman.  Now say you fell in love with that woman and all of the sudden cough syrup didnt have quite the same connotation.  Now say that that woman had a sister and that sister had a lovechild with brown sugar.  That child is this root beer.

 

80.  GOOSE ISLAND:  Nine parts marshmallows one part vodka.

 

81.  FIREMAN'S BREW:  Burnt brown sugar and cinammon Mr. Sketch marker.

 

82.  POLAR CLASSICS:  Peacefully sweet and creamy.

 

83.  MERCURY BREWING CO.:  Has a slightly sour, limey kind of flavor.  Like a root beer margarita.

 

84.  ROCKET FIZZ ROOT BEER FLOAT:  There's a very definite "vanilla" flavor, but the problem is that it's "vanilla flavor" flavor.  Tastes like a root beer trying to taste like a root beer float, which it is.  I'd much rather just put actual icecream in my root beer.

 

85.  LION BREWERY:  This root beer is decent and dependable, capable of succeeding in any task if only it were memorable enough for you to ask it.  In high school it was not the president of the chess club but it didn't start fights after school either.  It is the boy next door that you never really had a thing for in school, and when you see him at the reunion you say, "Wow, he looks great.  Good for him!" and then you continue the conversation with the girl from Econ, hoping you'll remember her name before something awkward happens.  By the way, in this scenerio, you were a girl next door but not THE girl next door.  You weren't a band geek in high school, nor were you a cheerleader, although you were on the color guard your freshman year.  You took three years of French and got straight A's but you hardly remember any of it now, the same way you don't remember the name of good ol' what's her face from Econ.

86.  BAUMEISTER:  Sugary, doesn't taste like berries... Or does it?

87.  SIMPSON SPRING:  This is a MAN'S root beer.  By that, of course, I mean it tastes like iron and shaving cream.  (Note: while this root beer honestly does taste like iron and shaving cream, I'm actually very satisfied with the flavor and, understandably, REALLY want pizza right now.  Touche, Simpson Spring.  Touche.)

88.  READING DRAFT:  Steak Sauce.

89.  OLDE PHILADELPHIA:  "I'm afraid this beverage is just too sweet for me."  -Thomas Jefferson.  ("I've had sweeter."  -Benjamin Franklin)

90.  SPRING GROVE:  Sugar, hope, innocence, spearmint.

91.  JOHNIE RYAN:  Lemon Heads dipped in A1

92.  FROSTOP:  Kinda Fruit Punch-y, kinda Peptobismol-y, kinda... Dill-y...

93.  TOMMYKNOCKER:  Cloves and black licorice.

94.  AVERY'S:  Jacuzzi water.

95.  DEATH VALLEY:  A lot of black licorice, a little bit of burnt toast, and a hint of an unplaceable, plastic/metal/mystery material taste which Jenette has dubbed "Walmart".

96. RED ARROW:  Sugar and spice and everything nice.

97. GRAY'S:  Has a nice, smokey sweetness that's overshadowed by the fact that it tastes watered down.

98.  CARUSO'S LEGACY- ROBUSTO ROOT BEER: Pretty good but not as robust as I would expect from the name.  Maybe "robusto" is Italian for "pleasantly above average".

99.  GUS GROWN-UP SODA- DRY ROOT BEER: So, take some strawberry-orange juice, you know, the Dole kind, and add about a gallon of water to it and stir it with a stick.  Now suck on the stick.

100.  B. STIFF & SONS: Not too sweet, not too spicy.  Perfect blend of innocence, zing and mountain spring water.

Fakestagram

I don't have Instagram but if I did it maybe it would look like this.

Christmas Time Machine

Okay.  Whew.  I'm ready for December and Christmas and stuff.  Let's do this.

What?  It's January?  Oh.  Dang it.  Well, how about next year you check out some Christmas recordings I was involved with this year.  (This year being last year.)  They're very different sounding albums, the result of different approaches to recording and music making, but they're both pretty great, if you ask me.

The first is with my new friend from my new church.  I played drums on two songs.  One of them sounds like this:

The second is with my old friends from my old church.  I played drums on all of the songs.  One of them sounds like this:

There are many more great songs on both albums so go ahead and download them both and then put them in a folder called "Do Not Open Until After Thanksgiving".

Chipotle Fail

Chipotle is great because the burritos taste delicious and they're big enough to split.  

Chipotle is not great because the burrito engineers are sometimes unreliable and prepare pathetic, half-sized wannabe burritos that make you sad.

"SF" normally stands for Steak Fajita, but today it stood for Size Fail.

Cameras are for animals!

We got a new camera last weekend.  I wanted a DSLR and my wife wanted something that wouldn't weigh twenty pounds and end up costing thousands of dollars after my obsession with zoom lenses took over.  We came to a very nice compromise and ended up with a really nice point-and-shoot with the craziest zoom I've ever seen.  We took it to the Safari Park yesterday to try it out and had a lovely time.  The results aren't necessarily award-winning photographs, but for casual day at the zoo pictures, I think they're pretty cool.  And, really, I'm more excited about the potential than anything.  

On the Insufficient Naming of Colors, or, Why Is Pink So Special?

     I realized the other day that for all the colors in the world there aren't very many that actually have names.  You have your primaries and your secondaries, your black and white and brown, and after that there are very few hues that have an actual name associated with them.  This wouldn't bother me if it wasn't for one sneaky little color: pink.  Why does pink get a name?  What makes light red so special that it gets its own title?  Light blue doesn't have a name.  Light green doesn't have a name.  But light red?  It's Pink.

     Now, maybe you're thinking, "Yeah, light green has a name, it's Light Green."  No.  That's not a name, that's a description.  It's a noun (green) and an adjective (light).  This is assuming that "green" is not itself an adjective, but that's a different story.  Or there's "Lime Green" or "Olive Green", which is also taking an existing noun and turning it into an adjective to describe another existing noun.  This is assuming the fruit was named first.  (Yes, Orange, we'll get to you later...) 

     I'll add that Gray and Tan were also lucky enough to get nomenclature, but since black and brown are kind of exceptional colors anyway I don't count those as much.  Then there's Lavender, which I'd say is pretty much accepted as a specific color, but it's also the name of a flower.  So lime could be a fruit, lavender could be a flower, but pink is pretty much a color and that's it.

     So where did pink come from?  If you add white to red you get pink.  So why can't your add white to blue and get schmink?  Or blite or whue or snoodleplatz?  I don't care what its actual name could have been, I'm just disappointed that you have to call it "light blue" or "sky blue" or "pale blue" and not "flinsk".  Just sayin.

A Book For Children and Grownup Children

It's been a dream/goal of mine for a while now to make a children's book and it turned out that this was the year to do it. I've spent the last few months writing and designing, and I'm excited with the progress so far. I completed the rough draft last week and am now working on tieing down the designs and working out the colors. After that I'll have to figure out how to get the thing published and out into the world, but let's take things one step at a time.

The story deals with self esteem and bullying, and involves animals flying around in hot air balloons learning that it's better to be nice than be a jerk. My hope for the book is that it would be a kid-friendly product that also appeals to adults. My fear is that it will miss both audiences- too grownup for kids, too childish for adults. But at the same time, I'm trying hard not to make a "product" to please people, but just do what I do and create a piece of art that I'm proud of. So far I'm pretty pleased. It's just hard when you know that if you create art that's ALSO a successful product, your art can actually buy you groceries (and pay for art school. Ah, irony.)

So, speaking of art- here's a sneak peek. The first is a page of character designs that I finished yesterday. My thought is that they're cute. Maybe too cute. I was hoping for illustrations that weren't quite so cutesy in order to be a little more appealing for the grownup types. The second is a rough page layout. I'm particularly fond of Fox in this one, not sure why. So my aim right now is to make the final product fit somewhere in between these two examples- a little less Nick Jr and a little more Riccardo Guasco. Hopefully by just cleaning up the lines in the rough, and adding some color and a LITTLE more shading, it will pull together into something worth looking at.

25 More Root Beers

A few years ago I started documenting my opinions on various gourmet root beers. In retrospect, I kind of wish I would have used a more practical rating system (or ANY rating system for that matter) but I guess the purpose was more artistic than scientific. So if you're wondering what the "best" root beer is, this won't really help. But if you're wondering which ones taste more like vegetables and which ones taste more like cleaning supplies, I've got you covered. And if you haven't seen the original post, please start here.

TOWER: Nice mild spice. Tastes like licorice and moonlight.

THOMAS KEMPER: Distinguished, but slightly off; like a leather couch in a dorm room. Definitely on the spicy end of the root beer spectrum, versus the sweet end.

BEDFORD'S: Black Cherry & Pistachio. Unique and delicious.

THE POP SHOPPE: Sugar, Spearmint, Windex, Ham.

DANG! THAT'S GOOD: Actually, I'd call it "Dang, that's root beer." It was good, but it wasn't extraordinary in anyway. Definitely not impressive enough to name it after an exclamation.

OOGAVE: Oh, Green Tea, you shouldn't be ashamed of what you are. There's nothing wrong with- What? You're not Green Tea, you're Root Beer? Oh. Um. So... Hey, did you see The Office last week?

STEWART'S: Sugar, mixed with brown sugar, mixed with caramel. Opposite Thomas Kemper on the sweet/spicy flavor spectrum.

VIRGIL'S SPECIAL EDITION BAVARIAN NUTMEG: Really good flavor, but not as special as I was expecting. "I'm searching for the nutmeg..." -Jenette Cementina

BAWS GUARANA G33K B33R: Nice brown sugar taste but also slightly watery. And there's something slightly... mediciny about it. Maybe that's the G33K.

A&W: "Clear", with a faint scent of fireworks.

TRADER JOE'S VINTAGE: Sugary opening, leading to the mellow butteryness of a Ritz cracker.

ZUBERFIZ: A Necco Wafer dreaming about lemons.

PITHY LITTLE SODA WORKS: A handsome man in a plum colored suit sits alone in the corner booth of a darkened bar eating a steak.

APPLE FARM: Molasses, Brown Sugar... and Beer. This one might require a second taste with the assurance that it hasn't fermented...

CENTRAL COAST BREWING: "Old" + "Dry" + "Soap" + "Chai".

MYERS AVENUE: Tastes like a cinnamon roll dipped in cough medicine. But not soaked or anything. Just dipped. Briefly.

CHICO SHINE: Smooth and Honey-y

RED ARROW: This root beer makes me want a hamburger.

MARGO'S BARK: Sharp black licorice with a hint of ash tray.

JOE'S: Smooth and sweet, reminds me of the Toasted Marshmallow Jelly Belly.

ITHICA: Rosemary and Cola.

SQUAMSCOT: Cream Soda in disguise.

SO DUH ROCKIN' ROOT BEER: Tastes like a spice rack. Is that numeg? Cloves? Oregano? Bonus points for uniqueness, except I can't tell if I want to drink it or sprinkle it on pizza...

FOXON PARK: Cotton candy and lemon. And kinda... woodsy? But less like fern covered forest and more like potpourri meant to smell like a fern covered forest.

RED RIBBON: Black licorice dipped in blood, wrapped in iceberg lettuce.

For my friend, Ray Cauley

.

Blue Whales off the Coast of Dana Point, California
September 18th, 2011


We followed the spouts,
chased the fanfare of mist
until we were met with teal shadows,
moving masses below the surface of the ocean.
And as our vessel swayed and bowed,
the shadows split the breathing sea.
Then rose mountains of slate
silently sweeping the horizon
then gliding below again.


With powerful force and powerful grace
they entered our world of air
as if the arcs they drew across the level sea
were not a necessary interruption,
not the methodical mechanics of biology,
but a dance;
every breath a pirouette,
every rise and fall, the movement of music seen.


One by one they would make themselves known,
a blast of warm breath, then the surging ballet.
And then,
without remark or report,
they would aim once again for the deep
and the smooth curve of grey,
flexing now toward its home,
would wheel the entire, vast length of spine.


At times a powerful tail would breach
and splash a punctuating farewell.
Others would simply and silently glide away,
the pulsing tail a discrete continuation
of the body's contoured dance.
But no matter how the creatures left the stage
at the meeting place of our two worlds,
the resulting effect was always the same;
for as the thrust of their tails sent their billowing mass downward
the surrounding sea was sent up.
And where a moment ago fought endless ripples,
the agitation of wind and tides,
soon emerged a glassy calm
that expanded and remained
well after the whale had left our sight.


And how fitting a footprint that this life should leave
as it graced our time with its spirit,
that the world it left was made more peaceful
by it simply being there.



For Ray
6/17/1980 - 9/18/2011

New Jobs, New Songs

I am pleased as punch to announce my retirement from joblessness! In January, I started work at Sony Computer Entertainment, doing facial animation on games for Playstation 3. That's right- a real life, gettin' payed to animate, actual job, job! I realize that the announcement comes a little late, but, you know, I've been busy. Working.

That being said, I actually had some time off a few weeks ago and I had the opportunity to play around with some music that had been floating around in my brain. Every once in a while a melody or a riff will pop into my head and I won't have anything to do with it. Most often I'll sing it into my phone and record a message for myself in hopes that some day I'll have some time to actually get onto my computer and do something more with it. Well, that time came a few weeks ago. I had six songs to do, and my plan was to just get them off of my phone for when it goes to phoney heaven, which will probably be soon. I got through the first five quick enough, but when I got to the last one I got a little carried away and just couldn't stop. And now, as far as I can tell, it's a finished song. So in honor of my new job (and the Spring Break it provided me) I'd like to present to you Phone Song Six.

Phone Song Six by Wheres Boo?

I realized after the song was done that it sounds an awful lot like a song I made a long time ago called Frogs of Industry. So if you want, you can call this one Frogs of Technology. Seems like a logical progression.

Miscelaneousness

Some exciting changes are coming up and I'll be posting the news soon but before I get to that I wanted to put up some recent artwork before it gets lost in the shuffle.

The first is a t-shirt design that I did for my sister when she interned for a non-profit that helps homeless families. Their slogan was "Every family deserves a home."




And this is a design for a tea tin that I made her for Christmas. They're tea birds. Get it?




My other sister wanted a recipe box for Christmas so I designed this one for her. Please excuse the crop marks...



This is the back.



And last but not least, a little bit of Grove. Meet Rocco the possum. This isn't actually a finished picture because I decided that I wasn't quite happy with the character design. However I do like the drawing enough to post it. So just pretend that there's a Grover walking past him, carrying a tall pile of fruits and Rocco is helping himself to one (which isn't really in his personality, adding another reason to not finish the picture.)